Graduation . . . it's that time again! They say it's a rite of passage. All I know is if you study hard, make the grades, and pass the tests . . . you've earned the right to grad-geh-ate (as Jethro Bodine would say)!
My baby sister is preparing for her son, her only child to head off to college after he graduates from our home town high school next week. Oh my! I'm writing late and I'm surrounded by family pictures in my office. I see him as a cute little toddler scraping the last of Grandma Naomi's divine caramel icing from the pan with a spoon (big blue eyes and curly hair!). I’d like to have a slice right now at her kitchen table with her! I see last year's Christmas card with Dews and his beloved dog under the tree, and I see a picture of my daughter in her high school cap and gown holding him on her hip in a t-shirt and diaper. I'm sure he would love me telling that! It's been a college graduation, a wedding, a couple of moves, and two grandchildren ago (one who will turn 9 next week) but I remember. Listen ya'll, for a Southern Mama to send her boy off . . . it's a big deal!
In a day and age where 18 year olds are more focused on the next party, let’s be real here . . . the next score or getting hooked up with the right people, I have to say Dews has turned out to be a good, well-balanced young man. His Daddy is an engineer, laid back, with a good sense of humor, so he's smart with a sense of humor. Lest I be misunderstood, his Mama is plenty smart, funny, extremely creative, and she has taught him many things that will serve him well throughout his life and help him in becoming a good man. There's a lot more to becoming a good man than just smarts and the ability to make money . . . don't believe me? Honey, you're not married are you? There are just some math and science skills that I don't think came from our genes! I'm just saying . . .
His Mama, like myself, is a GRIT (girls raised in the south) so before he could speak she was working on those manners! Trust me; I observe a lot of kids. I think manners are a generational thing you need to pass on. Mama taught us and on and on . . . you know. There are a lot of Mama's who don't have manners to pass on or the endurance to teach them. Modern day parents don’t realize the importance. You have to want to make the effort and not give up. She didn’t let up! He has his "yes-mam, no-sir, please and thank you’s down pat, opens the door for ladies and the elderly, writes thank you notes, has a good firm handshake, and although he lacks for no electronic gadget or skill, he has been taught how to look you in the eye and have a conversation. Now that will make Southern parents tear up with pride! Good job Jules and Len!
They have given him every comfort, every advantage, and they have expected a lot from him academically. So far, he has risen to the challenge. He probably has pushed himself as hard as they have. That’s how you get to be a national honor student, or so I’m told! He has set definite goals and I have no doubt he will achieve them! He is so independent. That can be really annoying when you are parenting. I know, my daughter was that same way, but independent children make great adults (if you survive their childhoods!).
Dr. James Dobson says, "Children are just loaned to us for a time. We are to love them, teach them about God, teach them life skills, what they need to know to cope and thrive, and let them go." He talks about the Mama eagle pushing her little eaglets out of the nest when its time. He says, "This separating of parent and child is a natural part of life. It's painful because it is the separating of flesh." Separating a Mama from her baby is painful (a Daddy too) but that's the way it is supposed to be. As Grandma Sarah told me about my daughter, "You want her to grow up darling. Wouldn't it be sad if she didn't? There would be something wrong with her." She had the sweetest way of making you feel ashamed.
To his parents, I say, “Congratulations!” I'm a big believer in giving your children roots and wings. They need to have a strong foundation (roots), they need to know that home, parents, the familiar things will be there when they need to run back to them (and they will from time to time). Just as important, they need permission to spread their wings, stretch and grow, even though at times they won't even know where they are flying or why. They just need to know that you believe in their ability to figure it out, and if they get off course, they can always come to you for direction and guidance. As he gets older, you'll get smarter. That's a real plus!
My, oh my, what would I say to an 18 year old leaving home? Well, I guess I could tell him there is so much more to learn. You never stop learning . . . even at my age! I could tell him there are two ways to learn it! I could tell him I learned the majority of mine the hard way . . . why would I want to do that? I could tell him that the big city will be fun, exciting, and much more dangerous than the small town he leaves behind. I could tell him he will be in places, situations, and around all kinds of people he has never encountered before, and he should trust his instincts. It's ok to take time to second guess yourself, think it through, and not follow the crowd, but I feel pretty good about things like peer pressure. I think he handled that pretty well in high school, and he makes friends easily.
I know he knows right from wrong, and he knows how to treat girls because he is a Southern gentleman. I'm not sure he is prepared for professors, even in the South! I'd probably give him a WARNING about that. He'd probably roll his eyes, but not be surprised knowing me! We live in the greatest country on the face of the earth with freedom of thought, expression, and speech. Nowhere is that more evident than on a college campus. However, that freedom was bought and paid for with a very high price. While we go about our lives going to class, hanging out, drinking lattes, and writing whatever I feel like writing, other men and women his age are making the choice to defend this great nation as soldiers, so we can do just those things we want to do. God bless America! God bless the men and women who wear that uniform and sleep under our flag all over the world!
I would tell him to enjoy that freedom, but never take it for granted. Professors and students will come from all over the country and from other countries with different cultures, beliefs, and ideas. I would tell him to listen, learn, discuss, but verify everything for himself. Question, don’t take things for granted, do the research. He is very smart, but he hasn’t been exposed to ideological agendas yet. I’d just like to tell him to be aware. If he questions them the way he has his parents, he should be fine!
I'm sure I'd tell him to keep his parents cell numbers on speed dial because no matter what the situation, they will always be there. He wouldn't believe me if I told him as time goes on by their conversations will evolve into more of adults talking like friends rather than parent and child.
I think I wouldn't tell him any of that stuff. I think I would just remind him to stay true to his beliefs, his faith, and who he is as a person. I think I would remind him I'm proud of him, remind him to stay in touch, have fun, be safe, and I'd say to him what I've said since he was that little blue-eyed baby with curly hair,
"I love you a bushel and a peck, and a hug around the neck!"
But really, what 18 almost 19-year old would want to hear any of that stuff?
Let me just say, look out world, ready or not . . . HERE HE COMES!!
(Names changed to protect the innocent & the guilty!)
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